Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
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There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
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What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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