dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize