Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
