Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
