She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
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The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
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is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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