I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I am never drinking with the goths again.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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