I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
