I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Randomize
