I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Randomize
