We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize