According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
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Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
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I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him