The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
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The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
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I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.