First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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