there's paper in my vomit.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
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Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
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Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped