i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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