Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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