There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize