hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I just gargled with NyQuil
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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