I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
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