This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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