the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
