I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Randomize