i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
false alarm. still invincible.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
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its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
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The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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