Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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