i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize