Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
