And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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