If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
