The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
You ate ashes out of my bong
Randomize
