Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
