I am in a vortex of obligation.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
