It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
