i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I just forgot I was standing up.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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