the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize