That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
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