the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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