i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
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Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
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You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
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