first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
my mouth tastes like poor choices
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Randomize
