Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
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He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
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