p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
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