i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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