I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
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I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
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Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
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