i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize