There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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