So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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