My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
