The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
