Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
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