I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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