I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
