I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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