i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
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