It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
